Ever sit at school just on your own? All alone, with no-one really talking to you. Yeah sure you have friends, but nobody likes them. They just think you're all nerds. You see all the popular girls in groups all huddled together chatting or even bitching about you. One makes a comment and then all of sudden they're laughing. And you know it's about you, no doubt about it. The girls with too much mascara covering their eyeslashes, which little black specks on their face, their orange face from the tub of liquid foundation covering, pimples, spots and zits. Yeah, they are the same deep-down, but they never show it. At all. The girls who have different bags every week from shops such as River Island, Topshop etc etc. Yeah sure some of them do seem nice, but really they're not.
When it's quiet in class, one of those popular boys (who they've probably gone out with once or twice before) makes a remark, and then most of them start to laugh. And it's not great when you already feel bad about yourself and you have mostly the class practically laughing at you. You just want to hide, curl up into the corner and even cry. When you get this everyday it's not great. You just seem to sit alone and wonder, wonder why they do it. They call you names, call you fat, anything that thye know can get to you, and really it's just stupid.
But they continue, continue to hurt you. Like that boy who you always dreamed of going out with, even maybe even dreaming of marrying him. But it's great when they all find out and start to tease you becuase you like him. You know it's never gonna happen, but you believe, bring yourself up only to be brought back down again.
He finally asked you out - and for the first time ever - you said yes. But the day after you get someone telling you on Facebook that "It's only a joke, he told me, he'd go out with you for a bit and then dump you" You couldn't believe it, He never really did dump you, but one of his friends asked if you were with him.. you said "I don't know" and then he goes back to him telling him you said yes you were with him, and then he says "Like I would ever go out with her." You feel like crying... like before when he called you a f-ing fat tw-t... it didn't feel great then, and it doesn't now. You cry more, getting angrier by the second, sometimes you feel so stupid, so used. All the emotions running through you, the horrible feeling in the pit of stomach, and you really think "Do they know how this feels, has this ever happened to them, I wish they knew what it felt like right now..."
Yeah you finally go off him, to like more people. And then you fall for one of the boys who was your friend, who you never thought of liking, but you realize, how sweet, kind and generous he is. You thought you would be great together, he'd talk to you, and you couldn;t help but laugh. Over the few months you think you really connected somehow.. and you thought they might be a chance he liked you. You finally admit your feelings to him... something you've never done before.. becuase he's different, he wouldn't laugh or anything like that.... but instead, he says.. "I Like you too as a friend.. you're a really really really good friend.. but I don't like you in that way" Yeah, he said it in a nice way, but you're gutted becuase - yet another boy - doesn't like you back.
But then - You have Christmas Holidays For 2 Weeks - and he doesn't seem to notice you anymore, you have to be the one to talk to him, you have to be the one to bring his attention to you, when before he couldn't stop talking to you.
It's all becuase of the other girls, the girls who "claim" they don't like them, they're "just purely friends" but then you see her flirting, holding his hand, even kissing it when he's hurt it. And then you feel so low... so down about everything. As it's all going wrong. You just wish you could have one nice relationship for a bit, without any of them interfering. Never had a boyfriend... and you just wish that for once, they would like you back.
You feel empty, alone. You want someone who you can just share everything with, that person who makes you laugh. You wanna spend the rest of life with them.. and just I don't know.. anything but just be with them. Want to hear them say little things, even maybe just a quick text to show they care, or even a "Hello Beautiful" whenever they see you. But no.. you don't even get that once in a while... becuase you never have.
You know how if feels to be in love, but you've never have actually been loved back... (okay maybe once, by that person who you didn't like back) you just want to be given that chance, just once. But no... you don't even get that do you. You just get no-one liking you. And then brings to your mind... will you ever find the person.. ever? Or will it just be liking someone, who doesn't like you back forever?
Yeah, all them things is me. All of them things have happened to me.
I describe myself, mainly as a dreamer, a dreamer who dreams about things I know will probably never happen, but I still believe that someday one of them things will. And if I just wait and see, I may be lucky....
